To love Him More...
I sat there in the recliner, holding my Little Girl. She had been crying, hysterically so,
with giant crocodile tears welling up in her eyes.
I picked her up.
She stopped crying.
She was crying for Mommy.
Wait a minute…
She was crying for Me.
I’m her Mommy.
And then, while Talitha snuggled up with me, I was the one crying.
They were mostly tears of joy, tears of overwhelming thankfulness to God for giving us our Talitha.
But there were also tears because I missed ever getting to hold our Twins, tears because of all of the “what could have beens.”
But in the end, there were tears because I know God is good and He does bring “joy in the morning,” despite the sorrow in the night.
Last week at the local MOPS-equivalent get-together, a couple ladies shared on Infant Loss Awareness Day. Yes, it has been like almost three years since we miscarried, but as one of the ladies shared about going into labor at 22-weeks and losing her son, tears welled up in my eyes.
“Will the pain never go away?” Over and over again, I’ve asked myself this question throughout the past 2 1/2 years...especially as time goes on, and the event gets further and further in the past. Surely, I’ll eventually forget about it or something, right?
And over and over again, I have to wipe away the tears and remind myself that this side of heaven, the pain will probably will never fully go away.
So in those moments when my throat constricts and the pain of the loss feels so suffocating all over again that I can barely breathe, I have to again remind myself of Those Things that I know to be true: I don’t know why God allows the loss of life of undeveloped babies, but I do know He only does what is good. I can’t see the specific purpose for the loss of our twins, but I do know He ultimately uses all things to conform His children—to conform me—into His image. I know that this world is a cruel place, marked by sin and filled with sorrow and pain, but I also know that God has promised of the glories to come that far surpass anything here on earth.
Why do some of the hardest moments in life have to bring some of the sweetest times of learning to love God more?
I picked her up.
She stopped crying.
She was crying for Mommy.
Wait a minute…
She was crying for Me.
I’m her Mommy.
And then, while Talitha snuggled up with me, I was the one crying.
They were mostly tears of joy, tears of overwhelming thankfulness to God for giving us our Talitha.
But there were also tears because I missed ever getting to hold our Twins, tears because of all of the “what could have beens.”
But in the end, there were tears because I know God is good and He does bring “joy in the morning,” despite the sorrow in the night.
Last week at the local MOPS-equivalent get-together, a couple ladies shared on Infant Loss Awareness Day. Yes, it has been like almost three years since we miscarried, but as one of the ladies shared about going into labor at 22-weeks and losing her son, tears welled up in my eyes.
“Will the pain never go away?” Over and over again, I’ve asked myself this question throughout the past 2 1/2 years...especially as time goes on, and the event gets further and further in the past. Surely, I’ll eventually forget about it or something, right?
And over and over again, I have to wipe away the tears and remind myself that this side of heaven, the pain will probably will never fully go away.
So in those moments when my throat constricts and the pain of the loss feels so suffocating all over again that I can barely breathe, I have to again remind myself of Those Things that I know to be true: I don’t know why God allows the loss of life of undeveloped babies, but I do know He only does what is good. I can’t see the specific purpose for the loss of our twins, but I do know He ultimately uses all things to conform His children—to conform me—into His image. I know that this world is a cruel place, marked by sin and filled with sorrow and pain, but I also know that God has promised of the glories to come that far surpass anything here on earth.
Why do some of the hardest moments in life have to bring some of the sweetest times of learning to love God more?
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