To Rejoice and To Weep

The announcement that they were expecting was adorable. The added twist in the announcement saying that they were expecting twins made it even more delightful, for it is not every day that the Facebook algorithm brings up a "we're expecting twins" announcement! I'm truly happy for the couple who is now awaiting the arrival of not one, but two precious little ones! 

But along with the joy in my heart came a twinge of sadness: my heart couldn't help but think back to the time, four years ago now in March, when we were also expecting twins. The thrill of finding out we were expecting was only heightened by the discovery that there were two! For somewhere between 5 1/2 and 12 weeks, I carried our two little treasures, created in God's image and precious in His sight. 

But then there was no more growth. There was no more life. The twins were no longer with us. God had taken them from us. 

In these bittersweet moments of joy tarnished by sadness, Scripture's words echo in my mind:"Rejoice with those who rejoice..." (Romans 12:15, ESV) 

Walking together with each other as brothers and sisters in Christ means walking with each other in the joyful times. It means finding true joy in each other's rejoicing, despite our own sorrows that threaten to hold us back. 

This struggle to rejoice with others--oh how hard was those first few fears after our miscarriage! The newborn everyone is oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over, the pregnancy announcements, the couple who seemed to be able to have kids without even trying and the couple who didn't want to get pregnant but did, the baby showers.... Each scenario reminded me that my arms were empty when they should have been full.

The first few years after our miscarriage, the tears often flowed freely...mostly at home, once I was finally was away from inquisitive looks.

But sometimes the tears came in public, unbidden. Those moments were the worst, for they revealed to all who witnessed the scene that I was failing miserably in rejoicing with others in the new life that God had blessed them with.  

It is amazing how God knows our tendencies to think only of ourselves. It is even more wonderful how He deals with that problem by providing a specific remedy for it: a command to obey. As hard as it can be sometimes, rejoicing with each other is a very tangible way of taking our eyes off of ourselves and focusing on the other person. It is so hard, but we must do it: rejoice with those who rejoice.

 

But we all know that life isn't just about rejoicing--there are both happy times and there are sad times.

And so I must mention the second part of Romans 12:15--I'm sure many of you have already finished it in your mind: "...weep with those who weep." 

Yes, weep. 

Weeping has the idea of literal, physical tears shed on behalf of another because of the sorrow they are going through. 

Walking with each other as members of the Body of Christ means coming alongside each other in the difficult times: those times when nothing in life seems to make human sense, when our hearts cannot help but cry out "Why, Lord?", when we walk through a valley and we emerge from it forever marked by that time spent in the valley. 

Walking with each other during these times often means weeping with each other, for sometimes the most significant encouragement and comfort is found in knowing that we're not alone as we grieve. 

And so we are commanded to weep with each other. 

I've been on the receiving end of both of these commands: when we were first expecting our twins, I know there were those who rejoiced, despite their own sorrows that I know they had; I also know there were those who came alongside us and wept with us as we walked through the darkest days of our miscarriage. By God's grace, I am slowly learning what it means to also be on the giving end of this command: to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

Even as I write this, I am reminded of the passage in Philippians 2 where we are called to think of others before ourselves, motivated by Christ's example of selfless and humble love. Rejoicing and weeping with each other often demands such an attitude of sacrificial love, for more often than not, we think that life revolves around us and what we are going through. If we allow ourselves to get caught up in our own needs, we will fail to see the needs of those around us.  

But we are called to step out and show love to the other person; we are called to come alongside each other--no matter what life's circumstance may be--and walk together in it by rejoicing and weeping with each other. I think Karen Swallow Prior says it well in On Reading Well in the chapter on love: "...it is a terrible but wonderful thing that binds all of humanity together: the bearing of one another's burdens." (page 156)

And I think that is exactly what we do when rejoice and weep with each other. Such actions have the potential of having a profound impact on drawing together members of the Body of Christ.