In the meantime

Within a few weeks, my world went from ecstatic joy at the news that we were expecting twins to devastating grief when the ultrasound technician said there were no heartbeats nor had there been any growth since our last ultrasound a few weeks earlier.  Is this really happening to us?  That evening, the awful event of miscarriage confirmed the technician‘s diagnosis. Our miscarriage was emotionally and spiritually crushing. Days turned into weeks, and then into months, and I was emotionally and spiritually lower than I had ever been in my life.  At times, t he grief practically choked me of the very air I breathed.  I was desperate for some form of comfort to revive my grief-stricken, joy-suffocated soul. “How in the world am I to deal with this?”    “Where do I turn for comfort ?” "How do I even move forward in life?" “Lord, help me!”  was my constant cry.  God heard my desperate pleas, and in His goodness ...

A year ago this time we had just found out we were expecting, and twins at that. “Wait! Us? Parents?! Can this be happening??”   The dust from the excitement hardly had time to settle before we found out that something had gone wrong and we had miscarried. That was a year ago. In one sense it feels like it happened so incredibly long ago…almost as if it was only a bad dream.  In another sense, my life has been forever changed by those two little ones that God appointed to live for only a few short weeks.  Sometimes I cannot help but think of what would have been…that they would be close to 4 months old already. What would life be like with two boys, or two girls, or a boy and a girl in our family?  What would we have named them? How would life look like if we were a family of four right now?  And I probably would hardly remember what it feels like to have a normal night of sleep. But thinking of “what could have been's” is utterly futi...

October 15 was Pregnancy and  Infant Loss Awareness Day.  I don’t really have much of anything eloquent or profound to say in light of it, as on one hand, dozens of emotions  are forever crowding my mind, making it hard to even know where to start. On the other hand, I feel empty and dried up, with no more emotions to be had…. Anyway, I do want to share something someone else has already said that is way better than anything I could ever say.  Here’s for you moms out there who know the pain and sorrow of losing a child: Be encouraged--it is only a temporary pain, even if it lasts a lifetime. We have a much greater hope and glory to look forward to!  “Every heart knows its own bitterness, and every heart has bitterness to know.  Sin must bring sorrow—tears are the inheritance of earth’s children;  but in the city to which we are going ‘God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying,...

This world isn’t the way it was originally created to be. In the beginning, it was perfect—exactly how God designed it to be.  But then the Fall happened and Adam blessed us with the curse of sin.  We now live in a sin-cursed world, with every aspect of our lives marked by the effects of sin in some way or another. “… for we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now…”        Because of sin, life is full of groaning: Pain, sadness, tears, disappointments, sickness, death…the list of very real groaning due to sin could go on.  And when pain and sadness, suffering and tears, sickness and death make their way into our lives in big ways, it is easy to get bogged down with these things because it is what we see and feel and experience and live.  They are our life.  These groanings--these horrible consequences due to sin's curse--...

Jessalyn Hutto has been through two miscarriages.  She understands the pain.  She has also learned where to find true comfort. Her article on knowing God  outlines some docrintal truths about God that give comfort and strength when life hits you hard and you don't know where to turn.  Be encouraged and delight in His goodness!

Here is part two of When God Gives and Takes .  (Read part one here .) ************* I think of that passage in Corinthians about God being the God of comfort and His comfort then being the avenue for us to then comfort others.  In the days soon after our miscarriage, I clung to this statement of incredible truth about God.  He said He would comfort.  I can trust Him to do it here. Now. In the days to come.  In some way, in some very real, tangible way, He will give comfort to my aching soul in this time of need.  And He did comfort and continues to comfort.   Day by day, moment by moment, at each moment of great need, His comfort has come in many ways…His Word, prayer, my husband, friends and family, songs…the list could go on.  Being comforted with God’s comfort doesn’t mean the pain goes away or that tears instantly dry up.  It doesn’t mean all questions have been answered.   But in some strange way, pain and ensuing comfort...

 When it comes to the difficulties and struggles in life, I’m not necessarily one to wear my heart on my sleeve or spill all my guts for the world to read, but this post is the first of two posts talking about our pregnancy, miscarriage, and how God is bringing us--me--through it.  In a way, there’s been healing in writing it down, so maybe I’m writing more for my sake than for any of you readers.  In it all, blessed be the name of the Lord.  **************** It’s been over 3 months now.  Sometimes I think I’m over the grief, tears, and emptiness… and then all the emotions come rushing back, as if it all just happened yesterday…. Our two little ones:  precious gifts from God for just a few weeks.   They were so tiny and under-developed, yet created in His image and beloved, fearfully and wonderfully made.  Who would have thought that someone so small--someone we never  even got to meet--would claim our hearts and love so fast?  Who ...

In a time of sadness and grief, God gave comfort and encouragement through His Word the other day. God is good. “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Job 1:21 God has taken away our precious little ones. Blessed be His name. God has allowed pain, but He is the God of all comfort. Blessed be His Name. He is the One Who gave us our little ones in the first place. Blessed be His name. He has made us to be as Mt Zion, unmovable and surrounded by the Lord. (Ps. 125:1-2) Blessed be His name. The Lord has done great things for us. (Ps. 126:3) Blessed be His name.  I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope. (Ps. 130:5) Blessed be the name of the Lord.                   He is good and His mercy endureth forever. (Ps. 136:1) Blessed be His name. In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength i...

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.  For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.”      2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Just over two weeks ago, a fellow-student with me and Isaac our freshman year here at Cornerstone Bible Institute became one of the 19 firefighters killed in the Yarnell, Arizona fire.  Isaac and I were privileged to attend the funeral service for Dustin DeFord last Saturday. The testimony for the Lord that Dustin left is being spread throughout this nation, perhaps even in different parts of the world.  The witness that his family is now having in their response to his death is an incredible testimony to the Lord.  Even so, the DeFord family and close friends of...