To have a Conversation...
We’ve all been around those people who are just naturals at having engaging
conversations: they can talk about anything with anyone, they’re lots of fun to
be around, and, most importantly, they make you feel genuinely important when
you’re talking with them. While talking may come easily for them, I don’t think
they necessarily have a skill that the rest of us can’t also learn.
Let me explain: Recently, I was reading a book by Dobson on raising daughters. He was talking about the importance of teaching our kids how to have a conversation (as compared to just talking.) Dobson gave a vivid illustration on how a conversation works. This illustration has totally revolutionized how I think about what a conversation is. I thought I would share it:
Imagine conversation like a ball: the objective is not to play Keep Away with the ball, but to keep the ball bouncing from one person to the next. So, here’s what playing Keep Away in a conversation would look like:
The conversation just died.
Person #1 now has to come up with another question if they want to keep talking. We’ve all been
there, done that. And it’s not very fun.
However, in a more effective conversation, the “ball” gets tossed back to person #1:
The ball is now back in person #1’s court! If it is going to be tossed back to person #2, he will respond in some way to the new information that he received, whether it be about broken down cars, a reputable mechanic, babies in general, teething babies, family members, phone calls, or long weeks!
The conversation is now off to a great start!
As simple as the illustration is, the idea of visualizing a conversation as a ball to keep tossing back and forth has been incredibly helpful to me! At the very least, it has made me aware of my interaction in conversations--not just to say that I did my part in contributing to a conversation and in tossing the ball back, but to be more intentional about being genuinely interested in the person I’m talking to. And here's what I think: those people who are so enjoyable to talk to have learned the skill and art of “tossing the ball back.”
In applying this concept to our day-to-day conversations, it may, at first, take a little intentionality to break the habit of holding the ball in our hands, but really, how hard does it have to be to toss the ball back if we just put a little effort into it???
Let me explain: Recently, I was reading a book by Dobson on raising daughters. He was talking about the importance of teaching our kids how to have a conversation (as compared to just talking.) Dobson gave a vivid illustration on how a conversation works. This illustration has totally revolutionized how I think about what a conversation is. I thought I would share it:
Imagine conversation like a ball: the objective is not to play Keep Away with the ball, but to keep the ball bouncing from one person to the next. So, here’s what playing Keep Away in a conversation would look like:
Person #1: How was your week?
Person #2: Fine.In other words, person #2 kept the ball and didn’t toss it back to person #1 with something that they could respond to.
The conversation just died.
Person #1 now has to come up with another question if they want to keep talking. We’ve all been
there, done that. And it’s not very fun.
However, in a more effective conversation, the “ball” gets tossed back to person #1:
Person #1: How was your week?
Person #2: It was ok. I had some car trouble and the baby is teething, so it was kind of a long week. On a more positive note, I got to visit with my sister!
Person #1: Aw man! Were you able to get the car fixed? I know of a mechanic… {and so on and so forth}Did you catch how this time the ball got tossed back to person #1?? Instead of just answering with “Fine,” person #2 added some information to his answer, effectively throwing the ball back to person #1.
The ball is now back in person #1’s court! If it is going to be tossed back to person #2, he will respond in some way to the new information that he received, whether it be about broken down cars, a reputable mechanic, babies in general, teething babies, family members, phone calls, or long weeks!
The conversation is now off to a great start!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As simple as the illustration is, the idea of visualizing a conversation as a ball to keep tossing back and forth has been incredibly helpful to me! At the very least, it has made me aware of my interaction in conversations--not just to say that I did my part in contributing to a conversation and in tossing the ball back, but to be more intentional about being genuinely interested in the person I’m talking to. And here's what I think: those people who are so enjoyable to talk to have learned the skill and art of “tossing the ball back.”
In applying this concept to our day-to-day conversations, it may, at first, take a little intentionality to break the habit of holding the ball in our hands, but really, how hard does it have to be to toss the ball back if we just put a little effort into it???
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