On Infant Loss and God's Ways
Some of you may be wondering why I can’t seem to get off this subject. Let
me tell you why miscarriage comes up every so often: The dynamics of a miscarriage and every other kind of infant
loss mark you in a way like very few things in life do. It was a real baby, made in God's image, no
matter how small, no matter how undeveloped. There is an unexplainable
emotional connection, particularly for the mom. Many times the grieving is a
private affair, with few people even aware of what has happened. And those are
just a few of the most obvious dynamics that make infant loss so hard....
For me, this has been a season of silent sorrow unlike anything else I’ve experienced. It has only been very recently that I’m finally beginning to feel like I’m no longer incredibly vulnerable and a bundle of emotions. I think I am slowly starting to move on.
It has also been a season of growth that wouldn’t have happened except for the miscarriage. Amazing How God works, isn't it? When commenting on the 1-year mark a few weeks ago, Isaac asked me if “through it all, have you found God to be good?” And as hard as it has been, I could not help but reply with quiet confidence, that “Yes, God has been good and faithful through the pain.”
I don’t apologize for often revisiting this topic. It has been a long road, but I praise Him for all He has done. Through our miscarriage, He has been teaching me to treasure His reminders that the sorrow of this life are only temporary and the result of being in a sin-cursed world--there’s a much greater glory to look forward to! If it weren't for the sorrows He brought, how else would I have learned to find comfort in knowing that He is My God, in absolute control of the universe, even when I fail to understand all His ways? When overwhelmed with the burden of emptiness and unfulfilled expectations and no one to share it with, how else would I have been forced to run to Him, the One who knows my heart better than even myself? How else would I have been compelled to be in the Word to find encouragement and learn that Jesus is better than anything else on earth?
This is the avenue that He is using to crowd me to Himself and teach me about Himself. I'm sure He will bring along other avenues to keep my eyes lifted towards heaven, but right now, this is what He's using....
As one of my favorite Puritan prayers and song goes,
And so I can’t help but share articles like this one where Kelly Needham shares Biblical encouragement through her own walk through 3 miscarriages. As I read her post, I found myself echoing so much of what she said... so many familiar emotions, experiences, and soul-aching. All so familiar…but thankfully it doesn’t stop there! God uses even the most difficult times in life to draw us closer to Himself.
All praise to Him!
For me, this has been a season of silent sorrow unlike anything else I’ve experienced. It has only been very recently that I’m finally beginning to feel like I’m no longer incredibly vulnerable and a bundle of emotions. I think I am slowly starting to move on.
It has also been a season of growth that wouldn’t have happened except for the miscarriage. Amazing How God works, isn't it? When commenting on the 1-year mark a few weeks ago, Isaac asked me if “through it all, have you found God to be good?” And as hard as it has been, I could not help but reply with quiet confidence, that “Yes, God has been good and faithful through the pain.”
I don’t apologize for often revisiting this topic. It has been a long road, but I praise Him for all He has done. Through our miscarriage, He has been teaching me to treasure His reminders that the sorrow of this life are only temporary and the result of being in a sin-cursed world--there’s a much greater glory to look forward to! If it weren't for the sorrows He brought, how else would I have learned to find comfort in knowing that He is My God, in absolute control of the universe, even when I fail to understand all His ways? When overwhelmed with the burden of emptiness and unfulfilled expectations and no one to share it with, how else would I have been forced to run to Him, the One who knows my heart better than even myself? How else would I have been compelled to be in the Word to find encouragement and learn that Jesus is better than anything else on earth?
This is the avenue that He is using to crowd me to Himself and teach me about Himself. I'm sure He will bring along other avenues to keep my eyes lifted towards heaven, but right now, this is what He's using....
As one of my favorite Puritan prayers and song goes,
“Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.I want to see His glory and for Him to be glorified through my life.
“Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to be the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.
“Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine; Let me find thy light in my darkness, thy life in my death, thy joy in my sorrow, thy grace in my sin, thy riches in my poverty, thy glory in my valley.” The Valley of Vision, page xxiv.
And so I can’t help but share articles like this one where Kelly Needham shares Biblical encouragement through her own walk through 3 miscarriages. As I read her post, I found myself echoing so much of what she said... so many familiar emotions, experiences, and soul-aching. All so familiar…but thankfully it doesn’t stop there! God uses even the most difficult times in life to draw us closer to Himself.
All praise to Him!
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